Encouraging Male Chauvinism and Mommy Wars

Recently in the last couple of days, I have come across a few articles and messages which made me mad. 

The first was a message in one of the WhatsApp groups I am in and it was a bad joke - a guy does not change the baby's diaper and instead changes the baby in the hospital because the "moral" of the story is that men should not be given work which is not theirs. 

While I understand it is a joke, it is precisely this attitude which makes men feel like they don't need to do any baby or kid related activities because it's not their job. They are not good at it. Utter nonsense! I know plenty of men who have changed diapers and plenty who help with kids too. 

So why then the prevailing misconception that men should not change diapers or that it's not their job? Are only women supposed to change diapers or anything related to kids? When is society going to change their freaking mind on this - that if women can go to work and do everything a man can, a man is perfectly capable of and should do everything a woman can. 

These kinds of jokes implicitly encourage male chauvinism and allow them to feel that they don't need to do these types of work around the house and family because they're not good at it. 

The second was a blog post I read. This mom says she's tired of media saying there are not enough women in stem jobs or CEOs. She says that is because women are choosing to do the most important job which is raising their families and staying at home with them is more important than anything else so media should not say anything about this. Seriously?? 

When did the media say you should sacrifice your family to focus on work? And why on earth can't women take care of their families and work at the same time? Women can work without sacrificing either work or family. It is hard and women are not given enough support in the workplace - which is why not enough women go up the ladder. Women bring a unique perspective to work which we need more of in corporate America. What we as a society need to do is improve the work environment and give more support to men and women so they can take care of family needs. 

It's a woman's right to choose whether she wants to work or stay at home. I don't think anyone disputes that but making it sound like the media is saying that women have to go to work so we get more women CEOs is ridiculous. 

It's very disappointing that these mommy wars are still continuing in so many different ways when we all need to be supporting each other. 

My First Ever Dance Performance!

One of the items on my list of things to do at least once is to get on stage and perform a dance. And I finally did it!

On Saturday, there was a Tamil cultural festival for Pongal, a festival in South India. A lot of performances were there and we (about 14 moms including me) performed a dance to the song "Jimmiki Kammal". We practiced for a few months once a week and it was a great feeling to do it on stage.

The best part of the dance was the camaraderie between all the women and the laughing and fun. I'm going to miss it now that it's over. I feel a sense of great accomplishment that I faced my fears of going on stage and doing the dance without any major missteps.

This was the song to which we danced:

Such sad news...

When I woke up yesterday morning and heard the news in Las Vegas, I was very sad. Why does somebody do something like that? So senseless and cowardly? Killing so many people from far away.

I feel so sorry for the loss of all those people who thought they were going to have a good time at a concert and then it turned out to be a nightmare. I feel for their families and the pain they must be going through.

Please take a minute and pray for all those families who are suffering right now.

What's Been Happening in Last Month

Life has been hectic for us with still settling into the apartment and getting used to AGirl going to kindergarten and being a stay at home mom.

We have become used to the heat a little now and also, it's started to get a little colder now in Arizona where we live to the point we need a jacket in the morning to drop AGirl at school. But in the afternoon it gets really warm again.

My parents left and so it's been an adjustment to try and handle the change, especially in the mornings when I'm trying to get the kids ready to go out and getting ready myself.

We made a road trip over the Labor day weekend to visit Sedona and Flagstaff, AZ for a couple of days. We visited the red rocks on the way to Flagstaff and spent the night at Flagstaff. We visited the Lowell observatory over there and saw the Moon and Saturn through the telescopes over there. That was pretty exciting! The next day, we stopped at Montezuma Castle National Monument and that was awesome. I loved the way those Native American buildings are tucked into the cliffs and made me wonder how they lived there.

View from the Church of the Holy Cross

Bell Rock and Cathedral Rock

The biggest beetle I have ever seen in my life

Montezuma Castle National Monument

Make My Ganesha Event!

Since moving to Arizona, we found out about an event in the local Indian community here and decided to go to it.

It's associated with the Maha Ganapati Temple near Phoenix and the local Tamil Sangam was running a Make My Ganesha event for kids to use clay to make their own Ganesha.

In the religion of Hinduism, Ganesha or Ganapati is one of the most popular Gods and he is the God known for removing obstacles and is worshipped at the start of most rituals. He is also known for his wisdom. He can be recognized distinctly by his elephant head and lots of interesting stories are associated with him.

At the event, we were given molds and clay to put in the mold and the result is below.

It was a very well organized event and only cost $5. We also got to meet a lot of people in the area and AGirl had a blast.

Moved to Arizona!

So we moved to Arizona over the last few days. It's been super hectic and I have been trying to settle the kids down and find all our stuff. Luckily, my parents are visiting us to help me out with setting up the house and helping with the kids.

My older daughter AGirl started Kindergarten in our local public school and it has been a big adjustment. It has been a big learning experience for me as well as I never went to public school in the US. I grew up in India. With homework from the first day of school and AGirl's issues with change, it's been quite challenging.

Once I settle down and get into a routine, I hope to start blogging more.

Am back!

I've disappeared from this blog for quite some time and have been trying to find my way back. My life has also been changing quite a bit in the last few months and in the last few weeks, took a big turn.

I will be moving to Arizona in the next few days. This is going to be a huge change for my family. I also quit my job and will be a stay-at-home mom for the next year till we settle down.

Once we settle down, I hope to have more free time and will blog more. More on that to come!!

Life has been busy!

Life has been busy and both my daughters have been keeping me busy. We had a hectic summer with family and friends visiting almost every weekend. We even had a small family get-together at the Poconos Mountains. It was a fun summer.

AGirl started at a new school close to home over the summer and it took her a while to adjust to the new school but she loves going to school now.

A2Girl has been doing good and growing but dealing with some gas and sleep issues.

I've been staying at home with the kids so far and am not sure when I will be going back to work. It's a hard decision and at this point I can't figure out how I'm going to make it all work.

I hope to start blogging more frequently from now on as I get some more time.

Gender Inequality

I came across this Indian advertisement for laundry on my Facebook feed and it brought me to tears. It brings home a fact that is so true... Women do a lot more of the housework and childcare than men do. And when a man does do housework, he is greatly appreciated and lauded for that.

My husband and I both work full-time. My husband enjoys cooking more than I do and does majority though not all of the cooking in our house and recently has started doing his own laundry as well. But I still do 95% of the childcare in the house and 95% of the cleaning and my laundry and the kids laundry. I however consider myself better off than a lot of other Indian women - my husband does more work than they do. But it's not equal.

I read this article on the New York Times and according to the article, in India, men spend about 0.9 hours per day on cooking, cleaning and childcare whereas women spend about 5.9 hours per day on the same. Talk about being unbalanced.

I'm back! and a story!

Sorry for having been away from the blog for a while. I've been busy with some personal issues and health reasons and was just not up to blogging.

But I'm back and hope to be blogging more.

I'm a big fan of the TV show Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman that used to air back in the 90s. I used to watch it infrequently back then because we didn't have reliable TV then. When I was in my early 20s, I discovered the DVDs in Blockbuster and watched all the seasons. I loved how the show attacked modern day issues in the Old American West in the 1860s time period. Plus, the show was based in Colorado Springs and I used to live in Colorado back then. The show covered so many issues - women's rights, slavery, american indian rights, prejudice, ignorance, diseases that it was fascinating to me. I've never tired of watching it multiple times.

A few days ago, I discovered it on Amazon Prime Video and have been watching the shows and I loved this story that the town's Reverend says in a sermon at the end of a episode. I don't know if this is an actual story somewhere else but I've only heard this here.

Once, there was a shabby town and all the people were unhappy, poor and ignorant. Then one day the king came to visit and he told them he had secretly switched a baby in the town with his own. After the king left, the people were afraid. They were worried that when the king returned again, he would be angry if the royal child was unhappy and would punish them. But since they had no idea which child it was, the whole town began to treat each child as though that child were royalty. 

Many years later, the king did return. By then, these children had all grown up and they had children of their own and the town was very different. There were libraries, schools, hospitals, churches and all the families were hardworking and happy. You see, these grownup children had no idea - they had never heard the story of the king. They had no idea that there was a prince or princess among them. They were productive, creative, happy and kind simply because they had been loved and educated and protected and treated as if each child were royalty. 

And old lady on her death bed - she asked the king, "I know that my wonderful grownup daughter - she is the princess, isn't she?". The king told her, " They are all the one". 

What I've Read Recently: Trump, Bedtime Regrets and More

Heidi Klum to Donald Trump: Every Woman Is a “10” :- Recently I've been watching Donald Trump in the news a lot and I've been very put-off by his attitude towards women and his bombastic nature. I loved Heidi Klum's response - that you can't attach a number to a women.

The Post-Bedtime Regret Every Parent Has Felt | Babble: This one is so true - so many days I've been impatient with my daughter and then at bedtime when she's cuddling in my arms and I'm rocking and singing to her, I'm calm and I feel bad - I should have been more gentler and spent more time with her. I should be more patient.

When Life Feels Like a Mess, There’s Something We Can Do: Just read it.

NY and NJ Trip

My sister and her kids are currently visiting us and we took them on a trip to NY & NJ along with my parents. I have some family in the NJ area and after visiting them, decided to go do some sightseeing.

It was a very hot and humid day - one of the worst days so far. Also, very cloudy and thunderstorm-y.

We parked in the Liberty State Park to visit the Statue of Liberty. We took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty and had a lot of fun on the top level of the ferry. There was a nice breeze which really helped with the heat. Unfortunately, we didn't get tickets to go to the pedestal or the crown. So we just saw Lady Liberty from the bottom and walked around a bit. I loved the view of the NY Skyline from the boat.

We ate a picnic lunch on some benches in Liberty State Park and took the ferry to NYC to the Boardwalk Ferry Station near the 9/11 Memorial. Earlier in the day, on the way to Liberty State Park, we were all sharing our memories of where we were and what we were doing when 9/11 attack happened.

My niece, who is 9 years old, was asking what does a terrorist attack mean and what does 9/11 mean? My sister explained the history of the terrorist attack, what it means and what exactly happened that day. We walked to the 9/11 memorial. The memorial is built beautifully and so differently. I loved the waterfalls and the engravings of the firefighters' names all around the memorial.

We tried to take a taxi to Times Square and that was when the nightmare started - first, we could not find a taxi, my daughter was too exhausted and fell asleep and she needed a diaper change ASAP. There was no place we could do a diaper change nearby and I finally ended up doing it on a park bench nearby as she was sleeping.

Then we waited for a cab and went to TimesSquare. We could barely move in TimesSquare - it was so crowded. Apparently, President Obama was in the area and that caused crowds to go up along with security blocking off some roads. We just went to the ToysRUs in Times Square and got out and tried to get a cab. We could not get a cab for 20 mins - finally we found an Uber Taxi but gave him the wrong direction and we ended up walking for almost 30-40 mins to get to our ferry station to catch the ferry back. We just made it in time with 2 mins to spare before the ferry was at the station.

We were all exhausted by this time. But we all went to dinner to a really nice Indian restaurant, Sapthagiri and the food was really good. They have an awesome Cashew Curry and the Dosas were tasty. My favorite was the Papdi Chaat. It was awesome and so yummy!

Girl's Afternoon Out

My friends and I had a girl's afternoon out a few days ago, leaving the children at home.

We went to a paint place - where they teach a group of people how to paint a particular piece of art. It was a lot of fun and the end result is below.

I have never been good at art and I can't even draw a straight line. So I was actually nervous about going to this place and only the fact that I was going with my friends helped me.

I guess the one thing I learnt about art is that there's no right or wrong in art - you just go with what you like and don't be too hard on yourself.

Mother's Day Thoughts

Being a mom can be hard sometimes. Some days it can feel as though the world is against you. Some days it can feel as it you give and give until there's nothing more to give anymore. Some days it feels as if your body's not your own anymore - it belongs to your kids and your family.

And some days can feel wonderful - when you feel so loved. When your daughter comes running to you and hugs you. When she says "I love you mama". When you hold her soft warm body in your arms and think "This is heaven".

And some days you may be worried - doubting yourself - are you a good mom? Are you providing her with everything she needs? Are you raising your daughter well?

Some days, you just need a break. You want to shut out the world, take your body back, take your mind back and just breathe.

This Mother's Day I made a promise to myself. I promise to take better care of my health. I can't take care of my family if I don't take care of myself. I promise to take some time out for myself at least once a week and to make that a priority.

Weekend Update

Last weekend, we were supposed to travel to NJ to visit some family but due to my falling sick (again!!), we had to cancel the trip and stayed at home for the most part. 

I recently read some quick and on-the-go breakfast ideas and came across the idea of making muffin omelettes. I adapted the recipe from here to use carrots, red peppers and no meat and I skipped on the cheese since I didn't have any cheddar cheese at home. The liquid was a little lumpy once mixed with the flour but I made them anyway. When they came out of the oven, they looked good but for some reason, in about 15 mins, they just completely lost all their ooph and sunk in. They tasted ok but I don't think I'll make it again.

I've always had sleep issues with my daughter and for the last several weeks, whenever she naps at home over the weekends, she wakes up in 45 mins to an hour and starts screaming and being extremely fussy. It takes a while to get her to a good mood.

One of the days this weekend when she woke up, I picked her up and just held her and rocked her a bit and she fell asleep in my arms. It had been at least 3-4 months since she went to sleep in my arms and I relished the feeling and realized I had missed it. She slept for a good half-hour and I just enjoyed the feeling. And when I finally woke her up, she was in a good mood.

I gave my daughter a new puzzle game and was quite impressed with the quality of the pieces. It was a Ravensburger Garden Animals My First Puzzle, 2-Piece and she really liked it. It was easy for her to put together and easy to store in the box it came in.

Simple words to live by for busy moms!

I got this in my email from The Abundant Mama and this really touched my heart. Words to live by! It's hard but I think making the effort would be so worth it.

What I've Been Reading Lately

The 7 Most Relaxing Ways to Spend Your Lunch Hour :- I find the last one the most interesting :) ... I generally go out for lunch with my colleagues or my friends once in a while and am just waiting for warmer weather to get here so I can go out for walks.

Save Money On Groceries With Manager Markdowns :- At the Market Basket where I shop, there's a shelf with all reduced groceries. I always take a quick peek there when I go grocery shopping and if something looks good, then I buy it if I will use it reasonably soon. Last Friday, I picked up 6-7 zucchinis @ 0.59/lb which is a pretty good price. I shredded all the zucchinis and put them in the freezer save for 1 cup which I used to make zucchini muffins.

Comparing our kids to others

It's inevitable. You're talking to your friends and one of you mentions something that your kid did. And the talk moves on to where each kid was developmentally at different ages. One mom might say - By age 3, my daughter was reading and starting to write. Another might say her son was talking full sentences by 2 years. Another might say their child started talking at 8 months.

Recently, I was talking to one of my friends and she was telling me about her daughter. I listened to her and felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Was my daughter where she should be? Am I failing her in some way by not teaching her more and spending more time with her?

Agirl doesn't know her colors or numbers or the alphabets yet. She's not expected to but a lot of Indian kids do know them by this age.

Logically, I know there's really no answer to this question. Kids will learn at their own pace. Her teachers have no concerns about her. I need to just provide the environment and the tools. Part of this is guilt at not being a stay-at-home mom.

All I can do at this point is make more of an effort to spend time with her and teach her.

Friendships

Recently, I've been reading about how important it is for women to have friendships and how important it is to connect with other people. Not only is it good for the soul but good for the body too!

I've been lucky that I have a few close friends from high school and college that I regularly talk with and I'm really close to my sister and talk to her about almost everything. I'm also really close to my parents and talk to them very frequently. I really cherish these relationships, more given that most of them don't even stay in the same state as me. Through all the rough patches, I've always been able to sail over it because of these relationships bolstering me mentally even if they weren't present physically.

I recently read this quote below in my email from George Washington and it struck me how true that is.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate?

Over the last few days, I've read and heard so much about the measles outbreak and people coming out to talk on both sides of the issue.

I'm vaccinated and my daughter's vaccinated. My personal viewpoint is that parents should have a choice in whether they should vaccinate their kids or not and when making that decision, they should think about how their decision affects others too - not just their kids but their neighbor's kids, the kids they go to school with, anybody they come in contact with.

That said, here are some blog posts and other articles that I read recently that made me think more about this issue.

I Wish My Mom Had Vaccinated Me :- Talks about how she was not vaccinated as a kid and how she caught whooping cough, was not treated for it and suffers to this day because of side effects.

Enough is Enough with Blaming “Anti-Vaxxers” :- I have very mixed feelings about this one. I don't agree with a lot the author has to say but she has a few valid points too.

Dear Parents: There are more unvaccinated kids than you think

This Dad's argument for Vaccinations is a Game Changer